When he came to me. Yes,I did, I'm glad to heard that he was looking at me while he is came back to Penang.
But I hate the routine when he leaved and we lost contact once again. Then a called makes my day again after a month.
My friend advised me that we shouldn't meet. And there is non of my business anymore.
But my heart was weak and hopeless in my world when I still loving you.I should take the lessons after April incident. But it doesn't work when everything is going so right.I should just leaved and say GOODBYE. If we didn't meet that day I'm think I'm won't so hurt right now.Yes,perhaps you doesn't mean to but you knew in earlier I'm been waited so long to see you again.
My mind drive me insane convince me why not?I Miss you so much...So I agreed to see you once again.
Yes,I'm greed even wonder to see you again.Just can't get enough..Never enough for me...
A drowsy weekdays...A caller picture which is you spin my head...It's make me smile..Yes you did.
Surprise..After a month, never thought that you will called me again after you disappear in air just like that.Well, you know that..I'm sure will say YES to you cause I'm obsession in Love. Infatuation to you.
Be frankly, everything was under my prediction.But you brought a shocked news to me. You say you will gonna leave Malaysia and going to China on 1st week of June and never ever back anymore unless Chinese New Year and you will get back to Malaysia to celebrate only. Sad to heard that..Cause You will leave me soon.And my mind was empty short while and it is mean I would never see you again after this? What the hell you leave it for me into this fucking pieces right now?Well you won't sad cause you used to do it just like how you disappear usually.And you expect that I won't pain?I'm a human being as normal..I cut..I bleed...and I pain too..You never understand on it.Think in bright side, perhaps I could take this opportunity as a challenge for me to fully let go...
In the phone conversation, you say you will back to penang on weekend to pack everything before you go.And we act like normal friend talks.Suddenly, You asked me am I want you stay back?Yes, yell from my heart..surely yes..Can you please don't go?Don't you wanna stay??And you asked me wanna have a meet while u at Penang..And I agree too..I been waited so long and now really dream come true.You back to me again.You say you will gave me a call while on the way back to Penang and I'm waited too..
Saturday night, I'm pick you up from Sg.Nibong Bus station. In the car we had no topic.You was never know how fast my heart races when I see you .And you asked would I mind to drop you in your hometown after club. I say no problem but i insist back to island after drop you. And you just dumb and say see how later. I have no idea when our topic become lesses day by day.It is so much question in my heart desire an confirm answer from you but I never ask.I'm wonder to know that how come we may such furious on last time and now we like a cold war couple while in car.
We took dinner together and you asked who will going club with me...They pro in drink?And my heart puzzled on it, would you come over me even they're drunk?and you had your own party at Northan Hotel so what you bother much am I going right for this Party Animal?We found no topic while together. My heart was whisper inside it is the end for tonight. What should I hope for after meet you thrice?I should satisfy on it cause you not belong to me..You not belong to my world. We are tragic from past.
After drop you in hotel and you asked me once again would I drop you in mainland after party. After a second consideration I answered with No problem but I'm insist to back island please teach me the way to back. And you remain silent again and say Never-mind. My heart was miserable while saw your helpless face. The differences between now and previous on you does not request me to stay with you anymore.And I'm know already gone.I called you after club and you say you miss your bed and you hope to back home rest instead throng in hotel. I believe you was tipsy tipsy that period thus you guts to offered me stay over night in your house due to drove alone in midnight was so dangerous. (p/s: then I stay overnight in your house will be safe than I drove alone?)You request me pack my stuff later on after pick you up in hotel.
2a.m.,I'm rush to Northan Hotel from UPR to pick you up. Thought you will conscious to drove back mainland but you're stoned & rest in passenger seat. Well, I've to face everything for this fucking trapped right now. I'm drove as fast as I can to save time so we may reach your house more earlier. Who know you asked me stop in highway cause you gonna spit.Gosh!!! We spend 1 hour at Petrol station to let you more stable. And my pals come to me cause they're worried me a girl handle all about this. We are so death cause we still may make fun while you spit like bloody hell there. You just like a toddler need me pamper you. Help you fasten seat belt, help you lay down the chair make you comfort,help to clean the muddy fluid...include help you find out the way from Penang to your house. I ask your cousin help to teaches me the way and I find out one things.You didn't told anyone you are back beside me and your family.That why your cousin scold Fucker in phone.LMAO.
After pack my things and I start my "adventure". What the fuck!! There is
I'm try to cover my precariously with I'm fine and they just check the road tax.When I'm think everything was going fine abruptly the torchlight point to your face.GOD!!!Save me!!! Then the police look at me and I'm just smirk among gestured that you're too tire and sleep only. How lucky am I, the police not interest to sustained investigate on us just ask me go. Pheeww...Vroom...Vroom...evacuate from there as fast as I can. Satisfy with my outwitted☺. But happiness accompany me barely a while..I start headache after get in Tambun tol...I'm lost in Tambun area..I'm try to awake you but you no bother me at all..I'm so helpless and drove into industry area. Try so hard to find a way out but I'm lost again...When I ask you stay awake you start yelled to me cause I'm harass you rest. I'm know you're sleepy but we must find a way out to reach your home.Not even you loathing on harass but me too.What can I do...sigh...
When you blame on me that why I didn't ask you before I took any decision to make any turning I'm start irritated to answered you :-
Me:"OK!!! When did you really stay conscious to answered me while I'm asking?!!I'm make any turning stick with where you point!!!Now we lost but you never concern I'm drove alone in stranger place.You just sleep while I ask you stay awake!!Now you blaming me!!!"
Him:"........I'm have no idea where are us now(with calm tune)...(looks around...) ok...go straight...traffic light there make right turn..."
Me:" This time You confirm yea?!!"
Him:"Ya..."
While I'm driving...I'm found out your eyes peep at me..And I'm ignore it..And you know I'm get anger now..You start pamper me with apologized...you say:" Sorry la...Dump you drove and found the way out alone...Sorry la,,Don't angry me ok?"But I had no reply and you try again..."sorry la...sorry la...Don't angry...sayang balik..ok?!!"I'm still act cool and just continue drive...This time, You hug me and apologized..I'm push away and say Don't play..I'm drive..Finally you saw me reply you and you start told me story..Told me how your brother mix the alcohol for you. They "rape" you to drink that's why you're so death...bla bla bla..You explained and apologized to me..I'm just listened..remain silent..
Your grandma open the door to us..And I greet with your grandma.And your grandma is the most cheer grandma that I saw ever. She's spoke English with me..Wow..amazing...and she's nice. She say she will lock the the door and ask me just go up rest. Well, thanks grandma. You're nice.
And you asked me am I plan to bath.Of course,I'm so stink right now.Approximate 5 o'clock in the morning already,freaking tire.Well, you tickle me and I just ran into toilet brush and clean up everything.
You kissing me and I told you we shouldn't be like that cause you are not belongs to me anymore.You explained your heart still missing me therefore when you came back the first person you wish to see is me not other. That's why no body knows you are back cause they wasn't me. Should I believe you?When you need me you just come over..I'm felt like I'm a mistress.And I questioned you if you do, why?Why you choose to given up on us..Given up on love between us?You say is happened so much things right that moment.Hard to told me in one time.What the fuck?!!This is what I wish to hear?
The next day, you hug me from back while you get up on bed.It's warm..I recall back everything while we been together.Such a long long time ago...Did you still remember?You smell my hair, I like the way you pamper.Hope the time may stop it now and then I can greed to had you more longer.I wish you may stay beside me till the end.Baby,please Don't go...
You're promises me will took me to Penang grab the Laksa you owe me last night while you apologize.once you get out from room you came in with another news. You said that go down lunch cause your grandma was cook our meal. Wow, I get shocked. Lunch in home means I had to face your family member once again?Gosh!!I'm sneaked into living room and just sat down. Your grandma came over and asked my name.Ask me don be shy just take lunch here first. And apology on the dish not much she ask Brian took me over Penang grab some food after this.Shy la...Somemore she asked where I'm stay..She seems like good impression on me.Your grandma like me.*wink*^^✌
Well, I'm don't waste my time at Tambun thus I drove back penang after lunch and your grandma asked me drive acrefully.(p/s: I will, thanks ah ma~~sob sob). Something miracle happened again. Last time, while I visit you in KL I left my sweater in your home. And this time you left your jacket in my car. sweat~~
Monday, You text to me say you will come over took your jacket from me.And I text you in return I'm not at home and you say nevermind then. Few hours later, you called to me asked where am i right now.
Why you so concern?Thought we shouldn't meet anymore if we really let go each other. I'm told you that I'm at Harvets In and you insist to meet me after you knew that I'm with our primary mate. Won't you worried they're knew our relationship after you came over?Or this is your plan and you purposely want them to know?Once you came and you sat down straight away questioned that:" Why you know I'm in Penang right now But you didn't called?"
I'm answered with unison tune:" How come you deemed that I'm sure know you was here right now?"
Brian:" .........."
Guess what, Don't even try to challenge me that I'm really need you much?Yes,I love you still but what if I'm know there is no more endless love between us.Why I'm still moving on?Yes,I'm admit I love you so. but I try to let go you too..Cause you never know how much I care about you.If you care about me, let me know. If you don't, stop making me think you do. My heart was bleeding when I'm just know everything is hopeless between us. You still come to me and I'm going too..I'm torture my own with my true love. I'm fall..I'm lost...You told me that you had commitment to be with her..Then how about me?A mistress?I'm never ask for any return cause I'm know you won't.
Subsequently, you say you will text me after a second. And I really received it. You asked me once again where am i right now?You asked me wish to see you again before you leave. And you asked me go to find you but you know there's far so forget about it. Sometime, I'm not really know what do you want from me?Sometime I can felt you love..sometime I'm miserable to face you. May be you gonna leave soon and you appreciated every moment with me.
Next day, You're back to KL and you text me in the early morning again. You say you back KL now and ask me take care. Is so pain when I'm read the message. Seems like going to lost you forever. We are merely a friends from now on...All the recollections is reminiscing....Hope the liaise still..But what can I hope for.You're so hard to forget.I'm regret that I'm never tell you How much I love you so...Still remember our first time to meet..you hold my hand...you kiss my lips..you whip my tears...you make the promises...But I'm know...Is time to let go..I'm know is hard..But i will take the opportunity to forget on you...Since you stay there I'm know time will heal me up...I'm appreciated every moment be with you..I'm glad that your brothers treat me as part of it..They way they greet with me like a close friend instead stranger..I'm will missing you.Brian..♥
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